The Black Dog

He followed me home again today
He's waiting at the gate
He knows I'll have to leave some time
He knows he holds my fate

I watch him, sitting, staring in
I hope he'll go away
I know he'll sit there waiting though
I've seen the ending to this play

We play these roles every day
We've both learned our part
We've got our lines, no need to learn
We know them off by heart

I tell him I don't need him here
He says he cannot leave
I tell him that I want him gone
He says I need him to breathe

So there he sits, faithful hound
Fangs nipping at my mind
Maybe one day my mood will change
And I'll leave him behind.

Until that time, he'll be right here
Claws stuck in my back
His shadow cast over my soul
That dog of darkest black

Check One-Two

A little something what I wrote, inspired by the #FeelingNuts campaign

See www.checkonetwo.co.uk for more details on how you can ensure good testicular health. Please ensure you have the testicle owner's permission before conducting any checks.

If you care about your goolies
There's no need to feel foolish
Don't sit around and worry 'bout your plight
Don't get yourself in a pickle
Check the shape of your testicle
And see your GP if it isn't right

Be sure to tell your chums
To have a quick check of their plums
Nobody's going to think you look a chump
Don't be all shy and girly
Make sure you catch it early
That's the best way to deal with any lump

So check them while you tweet
Or while you wait to eat
There's no time like the present, trust your guts
You can never be too keen
Make it part of your routine
There's so much to be gained from feeling nuts.

The Twitter Crush

They might be beautiful, or smart

Or you could find them witty

They are on another continent

Or even in your city

Your heart goes all a-flutter

When you look at their avi

Whether on the bus, sat at home

Or tweeting on the lavvy

Feel your breathing get more shallow

With every @, DM or mention

You try to think what you can say

Just to get their attention

But it's hard to find the right words

Within the space you've got

And what if you declare your love

Only to find they love you not?

You might come over needy

They might think of you as silly

So instead you revert back to type

And make a joke about a willy

If you take a minute to read this

Just ponder, for a few

What if the Twitter Crush you have

Has a Twitter Crush on you?