Seasonal Satire

Just a little trio of tunes, loosely based on recent events and with a festive flavour. Enjoy!

As the spectre of corruption looms over football, players across the country are working on their karaoke for the team Christmas party…

(To the tune of “Merry Christmas – War Is Over”)

So this is Christmas

And what have we done?

Smashed in an own goal

Got sent off for a bung

So this is Christmas

And win lose or draw

We’re hoping that next year

We get bunged some more

That bloke with the briefcase

I’m sure he’s alright

But we’re just footballers

And not very bright

And so this is Christmas

What do we have planned?

Picking up a booking

For seventy grand

So if your team is losing

Then you know the score

Maybe next season

You’ll pay us some more

We’ll handball it, miss penalties

We’ll score own goals, when you want it

Taking bribes and falling over

You can’t trust us any more

So this is football, such an epic fail

Instead of Old Trafford, we’ll be going to jail



If you think things are bad now, just wait and see who they have lined up to replace Santa...

He doesn’t care if you pout

He doesn’t care if you cry

You better watch out

I’m telling you why

IDS is coming to town

He doesn’t care about truth

Or being out of touch

He doesn’t care what you get

He just knows it’s too much

IDS is coming to town

Whether you’re poor or disabled

He doesn’t really care

He sees into your bedrooms

And he knows which ones are spare

He’ll come up with a ruse

He’ll come up with a trap

So you don’t get ahead

Just a benefit cap

IDS is coming to town

You better not claim

You better not try

Just be a good slacker

Hurry up and die

IDS is coming to town…

Last, and by all means least, as her career hits hard times Nigella Lawson is booked as Eartha Kitt on Celebrity Stars In Their Eyes...

Santa baby, slip a kilo under the tree, for me

My head’s been in a whirl. 

Santa baby, won’t you be my dealer tonight

Santa baby, just a few ounces of dope, I hope

Got some brownies ready to go

Santa baby, get me off my boobies on blow

                       

Think of all the hands I’ve had around my throat

Think of all the times I’ve slept with that old goat

The chance of getting out my tree

Is all that’s keeping me afloat

Santa cutie, just a little LSD you see

If I endorse it will it be free?

Santa baby, want to see the dancing hippos tonight

Santa honey, give my finances a hand

I’ve lost 600 grand

Santa baby, get me another book deal, alright?

Santa baby, hurry down my chimney tonight…