A little light relief

I'm conscious things have been terribly serious in this little corner of the Internet for a while now, so I thought I'd share with you a couple of songs, sketches, jokes old and new, with us around, you won't feel blue, so meet the gang... sorry, sidetracked there for a minute.

Ahem. Anyway, for your delectation may I first present...

Theresa (to the tune of "Delilah" by Tom Jones)

I saw your van every night as it passed by my window

I saw the words telling me to pick up the phone

You want me out of your country

But all I want is for you to just leave me alone

My, my, my Theresa.

Why, why, why Theresa?

Can’t you see, you may be Home Secretary

I’ve applied for asylum so why can’t you just let me be?

I get why you want rid of Hamza and Abu Qatada

You don’t want them here preaching their sermons of hate

I just came to escape persecution

So why do you treat me like an enemy of the state?

My, my, my Theresa.

Why, why, why Theresa?

Hear my song, no wonder feelings are strong

No matter the motive you couldn’t have got it more wrong

I see your men every morning at Kensal Rise station

Demanding the papers of anyone Asian or black

You claim to be guarding your borders

UKIP must have you worried so you’re going on the attack

My, my, my Theresa.

Why, why, why Theresa?

You’re too far right, it’s time to put up a fight

Forgive me Theresa, but you’re clearly not very bright

Forgive me Theresa, but you’re clearly not very bright.

Second on the bill, may I present as a tribute to the late Mel Smith...

I Believe (2013) - if you don't know the tune then the original can be found here

I believe Obama is trying to do his best.
I believe Bruce Willis still looks good in a vest
I believe Zimmerman's as innocent as Fred West
I believe, yes I believe

I believe the royal baby is going to be black
I believe Abu Qatada will be coming back
I believe Piers Morgan isn't a talentless hack
I believe, yes I believe

I believe we love our weather
That Bruce Forsyth will live for ever
And that Walford's a bit dull without...
Heather

I believe that there is beef in Findus pancakes
I believe that Tony Blair admits to his mistakes
I believe that Ed Milliband is better than Dave
And that even the Mexicans love that bloody wave

I believe everyone likes a vuvuzela
I believe that Simon Cowell's a lovely fella
I believe that nobody really knew about Savile
I believe Ed Snowden really hates air travel
And I believe the NHS is safe with Jeremy Hunt
But I can't believe David Cameron's not a ....

And finally, a commercial presentation on behalf of our sponsors...

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