Monday, August 05, 2013

A little light relief

I'm conscious things have been terribly serious in this little corner of the Internet for a while now, so I thought I'd share with you a couple of songs, sketches, jokes old and new, with us around, you won't feel blue, so meet the gang... sorry, sidetracked there for a minute.

Ahem. Anyway, for your delectation may I first present...

Theresa (to the tune of "Delilah" by Tom Jones)

I saw your van every night as it passed by my window
I saw the words telling me to pick up the phone
You want me out of your country
But all I want is for you to just leave me alone

My, my, my Theresa.
Why, why, why Theresa?
Can’t you see, you may be Home Secretary
I’ve applied for asylum so why can’t you just let me be?

I get why you want rid of Hamza and Abu Qatada
You don’t want them here preaching their sermons of hate
I just came to escape persecution
So why do you treat me like an enemy of the state?

My, my, my Theresa.
Why, why, why Theresa?
Hear my song, no wonder feelings are strong
No matter the motive you couldn’t have got it more wrong

I see your men every morning at Kensal Rise station
Demanding the papers of anyone Asian or black
You claim to be guarding your borders
UKIP must have you worried so you’re going on the attack

My, my, my Theresa.
Why, why, why Theresa?
You’re too far right, it’s time to put up a fight
Forgive me Theresa, but you’re clearly not very bright

Forgive me Theresa, but you’re clearly not very bright.

Second on the bill, may I present as a tribute to the late Mel Smith...

I Believe (2013) - if you don't know the tune then the original can be found here

I believe Obama is trying to do his best.
I believe Bruce Willis still looks good in a vest
I believe Zimmerman's as innocent as Fred West
I believe, yes I believe

I believe the royal baby is going to be black
I believe Abu Qatada will be coming back
I believe Piers Morgan isn't a talentless hack
I believe, yes I believe

I believe we love our weather
That Bruce Forsyth will live for ever
And that Walford's a bit dull without...

I believe that there is beef in Findus pancakes
I believe that Tony Blair admits to his mistakes
I believe that Ed Milliband is better than Dave
And that even the Mexicans love that bloody wave

I believe everyone likes a vuvuzela
I believe that Simon Cowell's a lovely fella
I believe that nobody really knew about Savile
I believe Ed Snowden really hates air travel
And I believe the NHS is safe with Jeremy Hunt
But I can't believe David Cameron's not a ....

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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

As you know, now that I am a personal friend of Con and Dec Cluskey from The Bachelors - what, you haven't been reading my blog recently have you - then I will forward your revised lyrics for "I Believe" to them for their entertainment delectation and delight and the possibility that they may yet perform your version at their next Bingo club gig.