Voiceover: We
interrupt our usual programming to bring you this special report…
Anchor:
As the strike by London
Underground staff reaches its second hour, news is coming in of the hardships
being endured by commuters. Our reporters around the capital have been
chauffeur-driven out to bring you these updates. First, we go over to Brian at Warren
Street
Brian: Thank you Kate. A slow start to the
morning rush hour here at Warren Street, as the mole people are forced to
emerge blinking into the daylight. Extra security has been put in place in case
the Morlocks and Chuds take advantage of the deserted tunnels to launch an
attack on us surface dwellers. Now over to Jill at Euston, who is so close I
can virtually reach out and touch her. Jill…
Jill: Thank you Brian. Chaos here
just a few minutes ago, as a pedestrian stepped out from the station onto the
pavement and immediately froze with his eyes in a downward position, expecting
it to carry him to his destination. Too afraid to make eye contact several
hundred of his fellow passengers joined in, blocking off access to the station…
Anchor: Sorry Jill, I’m going to have to stop
you there. Drama at South Kensington, so let’s go see what our reporter there
can tell us…
Dave: Thank you Kate. It appears we’ve
had our first tube strike baby, born right on the platform here. As I speak,
the crowds are holding him up to the light in scenes reminiscent of The Lion
King. Details are patchy at this time, but I understand the child has been
named “Not Bloody Boris Johnson That’s For Sure”, and the mother may not have
even been pregnant when she began queuing for her train.
Anchor: Thank you Dave. Incredible scenes, I’m
sure you’ll agree. Of course it’s not just the Underground that has been
affected, with the impact also being felt on the road network. Angela is on The
Embankment for us. Angela…
Angela: Thank you Kate. Traffic has been
brought to an absolute standstill here, after a woman appeared to stage a
daring hijack on a UPS van. I understand the driver had pulled up behind a bus
which was stationary at this stop, when the woman – more familiar with tube
travel – mistook his van for the second carriage and climbed in through the
passenger door. She refused to leave the van until police with a loud hailer
told her she had arrived at Temple station, and to take all her belongings with
her. Kate.
Anchor: The reduced Underground service has of
course put extra pressure on London buses. Transport for London rules would
normally prevent us from reporting live, but we have managed to sneak Bob onto
the network from where he has sent us this report. This may contain images of
poor people, which some of you might find distressing.
Bob: It’s hard for most of us to
envisage what these poor bus users go through on a daily basis, but today their
numbers have been swelled by outsiders forced here by the greedy union barons.
Our journey began at first
light, although for some it did not begin at all as they failed to work out
which side of the road to stand or which of the many magic obelisks the bus
would stop at. So disoriented were some that they attempted to cross the Thames
on foot. Most remembered to use the bridges provided but others disappeared from
view beneath the murky water.
At times we faced lengthy
pauses, as our driver attempted to check the documents of those trying to
board. I lost count of the number of times prospective passengers slapped their
Oyster Card onto his face in an attempt to find the correct method to gain one
of the few remaining seats.
During one such delay, a
woman sympathetic to our plight ran to the windows, passing bacon sandwiches to
grasping hands before waving us a tearful goodbye as we lurched briefly back
into motion.
It’s impossible to say when,
or even if, we can expect to reach our eventual destination. Please tell my
wife and children that I love them. This is Bob Hall for BBC News, somewhere on
Marylebone High Street.
Anchor:
Harrowing, harrowing scenes
there. Although not from Harrow, obviously. We will continue to keep you up to
date with developments as they, errr… develop. In the meantime, please remember
to heed the advice of Transport for London and the police and not to travel
unless your journey is absolutely necessary, or you’re a reporter for a rolling
news channel. Goodnight.
